The "Poop" on Cambridge Real Estate Services, Portland, Oregon

As this blog is about things that stink, people that stink, and businesses that stink, how could I respect myself without including Cambridge Real Estate Services, Portland, Oregon who head the list of the incompetent, inept, irresponsible, and steaming dawg piles we have to interact with every day.

Know these people? If you've had experience with them, then I'm certain you can commiserate with me.

This is a Portland, Oregon based apartment management organization (I use the term loosely) with properties in California, Oregon, Washington, and Idaho.

They are the biggest farce in the realty management sphere, hands down. One of the biggest problems is that they offer clown wages for management professionals; consequently, what they attract for managers IS—prepare yourself for this—clowns! And not just your everyday clown, but bottom of the barrel clowns—a clown's clown, if you will—only those willing to work for the lowest wages in the industry. Predictable, really.

That's just great for Cambridge, it's the pits for anyone living in one of their dumps.

The property I live on is relatively expensive compared to other rentals in the area, yet it is supposedly "affordable housing." That's a yuck!

On the outside, the property appears to be well maintained: lawns mowed, no visible paint peeling or shutters falling off. The interiors, too, superficially, appear okay. The problem is that these properties were all constructed at the cheapest bottom line, and from what I have seen, not even up to the building code (begs the question: which inspector was paid off to close their eyes). It's really rather frightening to think that at any moment, a slight earth tremor might shake us to the ground.

Much of the construction comes from close-out lots of appliances and fixtures; when those fixtures break, no replacements can be had, thus management is required to purchase brand new parts—or leave the existing parts broken. How about no lights in your ceiling because bulbs are no longer manufactured? Or broken faucets that spray water everywhere that cannot have parts replaced because they are no longer available; so, they leave the faucet squirting water all over the place. Or, how about pictures that fall off of the wall because the cheap dry wall used won't hold a nail properly?

For all of that, they have over a dozen "inspections" each year for every conceivable purpose: the bank, the insurance company, the City Housing Authority, the owners, the fire chief, the fire chief's dog, the fleas on the fire-chief's dog; oh, and let's not forget the numerous "preventive maintenance" incursions into our lives (since they only repair about half of what is broken, that's another joke). In all, about a baker's dozen every year.

I always thought that if my rent was paid, I was entitled to my privacy—not at this dump! It's more like grand central station, or some public hotel, than a private residence.

There are several Cambridge properties in the area in which I live, and at any given time they have 20 vacancies while other properties in the area have waiting lists several years long. Not surprising. Cheap construction, high rent, perpetual invasions of privacy and morons for managers.

Did I mention that the managers are clowns? Dumb and Dumber about sums it up. But, one manager, the "overlord" of all of the properties is downright insidious—not a bright person but a glib liar who picks up all of the buzz and parrots it back. This might impress those with little experience as knowledgeable; for the rest of us, she's merely turned lip-service into an art form. Actually, she's a snake who lies to cover for her own incompetence and is willing to sell out her subordinates to protect her own scaly skin. This happened recently, as it happens. Don't get me wrong, the employee who was terminated was grossly incompetent and deserved to be fired, but was no worse than her boss.

Actually, the boss IS worse, not only from a competence standpoint, but because she is a sneaking liar, and the buck DOES stop at the top, right? So why fire the underling without firing the puppet master? My first response to losers like these is pity; but it is very hard to find compassion for people who lie to tenants repeatedly because their incompetence has put their own heads in a noose. Cambridge Real Estate Services managers are the poster boys and girls for all of the incompetent business managers in clowndom.

I have lived in many apartment complexes throughout my life, large and small, but have never witnessed the turnover that exists in Cambridge properties. Nice families leave as fast as they move in; moving vans are as commonplace as private vehicles.

These managers don't seem to understand the difference between low-income and "low rent." The properties are populated primarily with the latter because nobody else wants to live here; this is part of what drives out the nice people who come to live here. Virtually the only way to get kicked off of this property is to fail to pay your rent, they don't care if you sell drugs (so long as the cops aren't on their case for doing it). In fact, I had to call the police on tenants in my building twice in the past weekend. The officer interrupted my monologue and asked "you live at ____ ?" I affirmed that and he replied, "Those managers are full of crap!" No kidding.

At one point, we stopped getting our mail because we were labelled by the post office as "a bad neighborhood!" Say What? At the rent we are paying, we're a "bad neighborhood?"

Bottom line, people get what they pay for. You want a clown? Offer clown wages and that's who'll apply for the job.

My warning to anyone thinking about moving onto a Cambridge Real Estate Services managed property is: DON'T. Save your money and a lot of aggravation, maybe even your life (I live in an ordinary middle-class suburban neighborhood but on this property, we've had stabbings, beatings, and shoot-outs). Welcome to the Cambridge Real Estate Services circus.

Did I mention I'm outta here in 2 days? Wha-a-a-a-a-hooooooooooooooo! Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Smell that fresh air wafting in? Goodbye to Cambridge Real Estate Services in Portland, Oregon, and GOOD RIDDANCE!